Who does this guy think he is?

He’s probably some kind of weirdo

Long rumored to be a musician...

With over 15 years of experience playing guitar, bass, banjo, and even pretending to play a few other instruments, he’s probably capable of producing his own music by now. If he were to ever do such a thing it would most likely vary in style. His influences include everything from Frank Zappa to The Beatles, and Buck Owens to Bruno Mars. Sprinkle in some Koji Kondo and Walter Murphy and so far you’ve listed a bunch of musicians who actually have talent.

Maybe he’s some sort of graphic designer?

He could never really draw very well, but with his trusty friends, Ctrl and Z, he seems to have developed the ability to use a computer to produce something he calls “art.” He has claimed experience in a wide range of applications: Photoshop, Inkscape, GIMP, Blender, Sketchbook, and some say he’s even tried his hand at video editors like Resolve and After Effects (but you never see any proof of that, do you?). There’s even a rumor he hand coded his own website designs in HTML, CSS, and the little bit of Javascript, taking care to make sure they are W3C validated and responsive in design.

“Oh, I get it! He’s one of those wacko artist types.”

Yeah, maybe a little. He also thinks he’s a computer programmer. Sure, buddy. Just because you wrote a few scripts and followed along with a few game engine development tutorials you can call yourself a programmer. Whatever floats your boat.

“Give him a little credit...”

I guess I could. He does have a github... not a lot on there yet. Maybe he just forgot to make any of his repos public. That’s probable, right? I suppose he is from the town that birthed the Mosaic browser... though he was only 3 when it happened. There were probably some fun and interesting field trips to be had around that area. Of course, these days he lives in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Caves, rivers, hills, roundabouts... It’s not so bad.

“What if he was a writer?”

Yeah. Sure, that’s fine. If we’re just going to start making things up I guess he could be a writer. That’s what writing is, isn’t it? Well, that’s what fiction is all about. I guess you can’t make up the news. Imagine if you did, there would probably be riots. I can see it now. Mindless idiots doing stupid things because they’re so easily manipulated by the media. All it would take is a little social media manipulation, some “us versus them” propaganda sprinkled around everywhere. A lot of people don’t have the safeguards built in to dismiss obvious falsehoods when they read them, especially if it’s their trusted friends sharing those falsehoods. I bet you could probably start a new religion if you marketed the right kinds of emotional triggers...

“Aren’t we starting to get a bit off topic?”

Oh! Yes! Excuse me. What were we saying? Oh yes, this weirdo artsy dude could be a writer. I mean, somebody had to write all this self-serving drivel. It may as well have been Dustin Hawn.